Everybody is in love when they first get married. I mean, at least one of them in most cases — with the exception of those who have ulterior motives and hidden agendas. We’d like to believe that at wedding ceremonies when couples are exchanging vows before their closest family and friends that they mean everything, every word spoken from their heart. We’ve heard the words time and time again, with each blissful union. Commitments and solemn vows to love for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and till death do apart. But somewhere along the lines people grow apart, hatred is both born and intensified, and the rivers that once sustained the beauty of a once blissful marriage run dry.
At a time in history where marriages face unprecedented challenges, International Film writer and producer Kyria Williams latest film “A New Husband for Christmas” has proven to bring hope to marriages all over the world. The uncertainty of the pandemic, economic hardship, unemployment, and work-related stress continue to impact millions of households while Williams’s latest film serves to impact millions of impacted hearts.
“Most people are egotistical in ways that we cannot begin to imagine or even see. We are blind to how selfish we really are. Also causing blindness to all of the ways that we take in a relationship as well as all of the ways that we fail to give in a relationship. When we love someone, we want to give to them in a way that is meaningful to them, we want to be good to that person. Our focus is no longer just on ourselves but is also equally if not more so on our spouse,” says Williams.
“If we’re only concerned about what is meaningful to ourselves and not what speaks love to the other person, we’re not truly committed. Giving, sacrificing, self-extension, going the extra mile, etc. is what we should offer in a marriage. When we love our spouse, the relationship isn’t just one-sided, we don’t starve them, we pour into them,” Williams tells Medium.
Meanwhile, the film received astonishing reviews as fans took to Amazon prime to share how the film touched them in deep and meaningful ways. “One of the things I absolutely loved about this film is how it showed a realistic view of how marriage is — the struggles and the celebrations. They addressed issues with cheating, arguing, money, nosey friends, etc.,” one review reads. “My husband and I watched it together and we had to put it on pause multiple times because we had discussions in between different scenes,” wrote another fan of the film. “This movie teaches about life, love, and marriage. The message was so clear and touched on tough areas of relationships whether you are single, married, or even seeking a relationship,” wrote another fan.
Williams sat down with Medium.com for an exclusive interview about her latest film “A New Husband for Christmas” sharing her thoughts on why it’s sometimes challenging for couples to stay committed, timeless advice on what to do when you’re not in love with the person you married, and how to revive hope in a dry and dying marriage.
In your latest film “A New Husband for Christmas” we are introduced to characters with varying issues and marital problems ranging from no longer being able to see eye to eye to intense hatred for one another. How do you define having a healthy understanding and respect for each other in cases where two people feel forced to agree to disagree?
I often say that a person’s truth is their truth whether others agree with it or not. We must learn to understand one another and listen to the other person without it always being a debate. In marriage, you see the good, the bad, and the ugly in one another. Allowing your spouse to feel comfortable discussing uncomfortable circumstances is vital. We should always want to better ourselves and what better person to bring to the forefront our flaws than the person that knows us and has seen us at our best as well as our worst. Realize that everything is not an insult, it’s a matter of being willing and mature enough to accept the areas we need growth in.
What is your advice to couples who love each other but are not in love with each other?
Once upon a time the two were in love. Something happened along the way that caused both parties to get to the state of no longer being in love. That something is called life, betrayal or it could be something else very specific. Whatever it is and if the couple is desiring to get back to that place, the 1st thing I would suggest is a concentrated conversation. What I mean by that is “NO DISTRACTIONS” the hustle and bustle of life can sometimes get in the way of something as simple as talking. However, if your reason is betrayal, understand the pain of betrayal is an open wound! Feeling and expressing our emotions is key to moving past hurt. Acknowledging your spouse’s pain, apologizing for your actions, and reassuring them that you are committed to healing the marriage is aiding towards the restoration process.
In my opinion, people don’t fall out of love, we get to a place of comfort of overlooking one another. Put the electronics away, put the kids to bed, put on some soft music, light a candle, dim the lights, and just talk. As mentioned in the statement above, allow your spouse to speak their truth and listen. Try not to take offense, but really take in what they’re saying. Ask the questions you really want to know, even if the truth will be a little uncomfortable to receive & be willing to make adjustments. Nevertheless, don’t disregard seeking WISE counsel. Always remember…Marriage Works, If, You Work It!
In 2 Corinthians 13:4, one of the first words used to describe love is long-suffering and patience. What should a husband or wife expect during this critical stage towards the healing of a broken marriage?
The path to restoring your marriage is in grasp. You must take the steps to understand what happened and then begin putting the broken pieces of the marriage back together. The road to healing a broken marriage will be long but invaluable. I am surely not presuming that there is adequate space here in this article to cause you to learn all that it will take to heal and rebuild a broken marriage but will try to provide my input in a few meaningful words. Know that you are not in control but that GOD is. Understand He must be the focus of your life. The focus is not you, your spouse, or anyone else, the focus is GOD. This means you must learn to leave your spouse in God’s hands. Remember that whatever condition your marriage is in, God is in the business of performing miracles, transforming lives, and restoring what seems to be broken. We must accept that we are incapable, we need to call on the power of the Holy Spirit in our marriage. We need a power that is beyond us to overcome our sinful inclinations and to empower us to be the husband and wife that God desires for us to be. God provides this power through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is not a doer, but a helper and wants to help us succeed in our marriage. We must welcome and allow him in. May the healing begin!
You host “Marriage Matters Mondays” alongside your husband Trey. During your most recent interview with Ian and Kelly Winans of The First Family of Gospel, what would you say resonated with you most as they opened up about being the “Blushing Bride and Giddy Groom”?
First, I loved the transparency in both Ian and Kelly about their marriage. They are certainly in marital bliss and you can tell by the way they laugh and joke with one another, they are head over hills in love. One of the things that resonated with Trey and I as well as our viewers is that even in the stage of marital bliss, you still have challenging times. What you do in those times and how you handle them determines the outcome. They accentuated the importance of praying together, if more people understood how valuable praying together is, we will see the hand of God move mightily.
What practical steps can couples take to bring latter rain and revive hope in a dry and dying marriage?
The answer to this question is in one of my absolute favorite marriage poems. It is as follows:
The Marriage Box — Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, romance, intimacy, friendship, laughter, financial security, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.